A Day of Tears

Today is just one of those days. 

Today started at about 4:10am.  Evan has been on a streak of waking up between 4am-5am.  It's very, very frustrating.  He will wake up, but not completely, and then pacify for...hours. If I dare to take the b@@b away, he'll sit up and scream and scream.  Yes, totally the first thing you want to deal with in the morning.  You know, a side of tears to the sleeplessness.  (In a creepy way, it's kind of sweet.  He'll cry and cry and then just flop his head over on me.  At one point this morning he was laying spread eagle on top of me, resting his head on my chest.  In spite of the shitty circumstance, this did warm my ice cold heart just a tad...my boy is not a snuggler.  So I can't be too picky with how I get my snuggles, I suppose.)

To make it all worse, I can't fall asleep at night because of the apprehension.  Dreading, knowing, that I'll just be up in an hour.  And then the hour after that.  Until the magical 4am wake-up call.  Well, that added to the fact that he's been boycotting our daily walks.  About a half mile into it, give or take, he'll just start screaming.  In the stroller, in the Ergo, doesn't matter.  Homeboy is just straight up pissed.  If I carry him on my hip, he's cool as ice, but that makes mommy tired pretty quickly.

Anyways, the root of all evilness at our house right now is due to a major mental leap going on.  It's absolutely crazy, and amazing all at once.  In the last two weeks, we've (now I've), just watched his comprehension and understanding just grow by leaps and bounds.  You can see him processing it all and actually getting it now.  It's incredible, really.  Top that off with him attempting to stand and walk all on his own...and well, you have a recipe for a shit storm.  A very serious shit storm!  Hopefully this one will cease with nary a warning, just as the others have. 

In a total moment of weakness and frustration I sat down on the floor next to him as he was squalling away, and just started to cry myself.  I miss Jason.  I miss sleeping.  I miss my happy baby.  I miss talking with adult human beings. Turns out?  The one thing that can make him laugh?  Me crying.  Awesome.  He was laughing like a maniac.  Then when I pulled down my t-shirt from over my eyes, he contemplated the tear rolling down my cheek and then wiped it off with Gemma's giraffe.  Turns out Evan likes giraffes, too.  And Gemma's toys.  It was a tender, sweet moment.  Well, as tender as an (almost) 10 month old baby boy can be.